I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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