I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
