you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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