His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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