i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
