If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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