booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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