His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
