I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
