things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
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I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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