I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
