Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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