we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
