Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
