Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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