drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize