I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
