wanna go halves on a baby?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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