she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize