sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
