The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
