apparently the secret to your success is patron
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
