I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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