I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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