Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
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For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
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And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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