Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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