4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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