I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
