Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
