So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
