please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
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as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
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I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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