non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
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