alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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