He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
