i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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