Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
it's like heaven, but drunker
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
