I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
what the fuck happened to the tacos
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
