Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
