i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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