I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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