hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i think i have two assholes
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My penis needs a shock collar
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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