best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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