i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
it's like heaven, but drunker
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
