last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
