I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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