my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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