i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
