I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
