did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
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she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
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Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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