I bet he comes in French.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
