i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
