i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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