Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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