He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
