i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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