Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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