i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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