omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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