HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
